*...that mind of yours is going to be the death of you*

This week was an interesting *reflection* week for me. Reflecting or analysing - which ever one sounds better or pertains to the situation on any given day.  I thought I would add into my post this week some excerpts from my email to my trainer the day after a session of my training, and some of his answers back to my questions.  Communication is the key - and this is a learning process, as well as those odd " A HA" moments that we may have in between the self-doubt spurts. These particular paragraphs show how I was feeling and his answers back to me.

(Me) Thanks for a good *beat-down* yesterday -Holy Smokes!!  lol... I thought you were trying to kill me! lol,...  I know - if you didn't push me, then I'd feel ripped off - right?  NOT!!  Frigg'n sprinting on the treadmill; maybe 30 seconds, but really 60 seconds?  But...damm, my mind as you know is such a huge antagonist against my body!  THAT's what pisses me off!  I have to analyse the workout, what I could have done better, how I could have done better, and what I need to do to improve.

(Trainer) That mind of yours is going to be the death of you.  My question to you is, if you are pissed about the DB weight on the squat presses, what weight do you want to do? Then, why is that relevant to your success?

(Me) Then of course there is the word - *hate*.  Example: *I HATE BURPEES*....I have decided, and acknowledge, HATE is a really strong word, and realistically I DO NOT hate the exercise...I know it is beneficial to me whatever exercise you give me, I just *dislike* certain ones more than others.  And...yes you are right its the ones that we like the least that we need to learn to love.  (hmmm....I say that to my students I teach, they need to learn to love what they don't enjoy - or work harder on the things that they are not as good at...)  ...so I think that statement has come full circle and bit me in the ass!!!  

(Trainer)  Acceptance is what we need to preach, you may not like it but you need to accept that you are doing it and move on emotionally. 

(Me) My frustration in having difficulty doing an exercise - annoys the crap out of me!   When we have to drop down the weights, that frustrates me even more.  I use the word frustration as I am not mad or angry, just frustrated with myself and want to be able to do it - knowing it will benefit the full outcome and aid in the goal that we are working towards.  

(Trainer) Doing the exercise period gets you to the goal, not how much weight you are doing while performing it. It will all get very mundane for you soon, just look at it from the point of view that you can be happy/sad/pissed off while your doing it, which do you want to be? Improving yourself shouldn't be as bad, love every minute of it so you can enjoy the body you will be left with. 

***THIS LAST SENTENCE WAS AN ACTUAL "A HA" MOMENT FOR ME!!***

(Me) I also know that you have reiterated to me this is a journey and a process - I am trying to understand that.  I have heard you when you said that we are experimenting to see how my body is going to react, in regards to food and energy -  analysing again, I guess that is why the communication has to be there.   I just usually can tell you what time it is by my stomach growling,..lol...and I am drinking a minimum of 3.2 litres of water or more a day.

(Trainer) Don't look at it as screwing up because that causes stress. It's a learning curve like you said so treat it like that. We are back on track now and we have still achieved great success so far so don't worry.

As you see communication is the key, whether it be discussing the training program, the training process, the eating process, and/or in general how the body is feeling after the fact.  This week in general was a pretty good training and eating week after we got the carb issue under control.  I just wasn't being consistent on eating the carbs with dinner on carb days.  I am however to keep doing what I am doing until the end of the month when we can analyse my numbers again and see where I should be and how far I need to go.  

I have noticed that my body must be shocked a little on the weekends when I only do one cardio session.  I feel that I am almost looking for the time that 'I should go and do my hour of cardio, almost as if my body is starting to crave it.  Remember this is still early, that can change.  

My powerful affirmation of the week I believe is,  *Love every minute of improving yourself, so you can enjoy the body that you are left with.*  Yes, I have the *Go Hard* mentality, but....I need to be happy doing it - try not to get pissed or sad about what and how I am doing.  

Hmmmm....that Blake....he's one wise trainer!!

Until next week...