With a little help from my friends

What would we do without those special people in our lives?  Do we actually recognize how rich we truly are or what we have in our lives with these people that mean so much to us?  Everyone is so busy in their everyday lives that we may either take for granted or not say *thankyou* for something that a friend may have done for us, no matter how big or small it may be? 

This got me thinking to how grateful I am for these people in  my life and for all the help and direction that they gave to me thru my process of this first phase of this journey.

My diet and posing coach Terri George, my friend and show partner Roberta Cruz-Toews, and my friend and trainer, Blake Venechuk with his daughter, Ava.

Me with my husband.

I'm Back!!

I'm Back!!

My computer is back, which leaves me no excuse not to write.  As it has been a month and a half since my last post, this may be a condensed version of events to be elaborated on in future posts.

I will start by saying ~ I accomplished my goal and competed in my first body building show at the Western Canadians in Kelowna BC on the 18th of May.

My whole process and journey to this point was a positive and motivating one with of course the few exceptions of mental breakdowns and self doubt along the way.  Taking a look at the whole picture from start to finish - I LOVED it!! 

Funny - who would have thought?  Me?  The one that is always concerned about what people think of me, the image that I am trying to portray, and wanting to make everyone else happy.  Hmmm....this time, I did this for me.  I now understand what people mean by this particular sport being a selfish one.  But...I think it also depends on how you look at it.  I compared it to golf.  No one can do this but *you*.  You can't blame anyone for not doing the exercise, or extra cardio that needs to be done.  The amount of food that you are either eating and not supposed to be eating or a treat that you may sneak and not tell anyone. 

You are accountable to yourself and only you.  The end result is the body that you show on the outside with less fat, tight abs, and flattering muscle definition.  On the inside you know that you have done everything up to that point when you stand on stage at that very moment, and smile and show the people -

This is ME!

Today IS a NEW day!!

Today is a NEW day!

Funny how one minute things seem good - our mood is a happy one and some small thing can either happen or set us off - and things change in a second.  My issues are trivial compared to the people in the Boston marathon bombing.  We really need to put things into perspective, however at the time we can make such small things into a mountain.

I had a meltdown yesterday or 'very' close to one.  I was able to hold myself together but all I wanted to do was cry.  All in frustration - I haven't felt like that in a really long time.  It may seem like nothing, but for me it was a huge deal at the time.

I've talked about how I love weights.  They beat me yesterday - and the frustrating part was they should not have - they were only 25lb dumbbells.  I felt they were heavy (laugh at that oxymoron), I had no form, and everyone was pounding thru the reps except for me.  Frustration at its finest!  I felt I couldn't do anything right!  I was cranky to my trainer which is completely unacceptable in my opinion which left me with more of a shitty feeling. I had a good spin class before bootcamp, there was a cardio component at the beginning of bootcamp then weights - it was downhill from there.

I hate to leave a training session feeling like this.  I felt defeated which is not a good feeling.  I did send an apology to my trainer and friend for being an ass and his words of wisdom were 'Don't let such superficial things get to you.  It's not worth the energy'.  Again, hit with a brick and such smart words.

Today is my personal training day - new day, new set of challenges.

Here's to dusting myself off and seeking redemption in the gym!

Onward and upward!

Calipers!

Yesterday was a measurment and photo day.  Funny how before I dreaded the measurements and of course the photos. NOW I am just curious to find out how many milimeters I have lost. But there is a two sided coin to this - Wanting to be optimistic I find I am now having a little self doubt, then I'll have a feeling of excitement over whats to come next. I find that one day I feel great and good about my body then the next day I second guess myself, my muscles, the symmetry and question if I will have the everything that the judges are looking for.   Right now I look at my legs and question whether I will have the muscle development in them?  I know I am supposed to 'trust the process.'  I seem to be able to pull myself out of that self doubt at times by giving myself a kick in the ass. I will often ask Blake for confirmation that I am on the right track.  As I have mentioned before he is one to give a straight up answer - no bullshit!  Again, ' trust the process'!!

My how things have changed since the beginning of this journey.  In the beginning I hated the thought of having to look at the photos and assessing my body - I think more from embarressment and always worried about what other people would think. Now I find I have needed to look at the pictures and see how far I've come.  This is still hard for me - I think in general as women we are never happy and see more flaws than the positives.Blake continually tells me to appreciate the body I have.  I do appreciate it - but will it ever be enough?.  My personality doesnt seem to think so.  I've been told to' look at my body not through it.'  Hmmm that's a thought. also i feel slightly guilty thinking this way as I am healthy when some very close friends are not.

Ok - off that train and on to the next -

Now lets talk about the training.  I've already mentioned I'm loving my training.  I look forward to it.  I've been lucky - it hasn't felt monotonous.  But this past Wednesday was a leg shaping day. That could sum everything up right there.  My legs were slightly tired but...you would think 'leg shaping' would be easy!  Nope!   Trying to concentrate on the individual muscles and do the concentrated exercises - wow!!  Of course lets not leave out the calves , only took me 5 days to recover from that.  Lol...

Am I complaining? Absolutely NOT!  Even tho it was tough - I know these exercises will only help me look the best I can be on stage... besides maybe I can just crawl across the stage.  Lol....

Always up for a challenge!

What size are those?

Throughout this process your size actually changes - go figure!!   This may sound crazy but it does... lol...you may or may not see it - until the pants get baggier, the shirts are super loose and your bra looks empty.

The reality hits when you try to buy clothes. Holding up a pair of pants or looking at a size medium and realizing it will be too big.  I think I now understand when people loose exorbitant amounts of excess weight and have trouble seeing themselves in a smaller size.  I am having a problem with this, especially with the pictures taken by the camera - it is so hard to see the change that I know is there.  At times I get a fleeting glimpse, and once again Blake likes to give me a bad time for not *getting excited* over it - another topic for another blog.

This weekend I was just out shopping at our superstore. They have reasonable workout gear. I came into this same sizing problem.  Holding up a medium shirt, realizing how large it would be, I had to go into a small.  And the shorts, well, I bought the wrong size, after deciding the small was going to be a little tight, I thought that would do for the next few weeks. Wrong - I should have bought an EXTRA small.

There is a point to all this ~ again, it would be so nice to go and shop for clothes, other than workout items.  But....I am frugal, and also realistic - what size am I going to actually be?  It would be fun to shop, BUT...I don't want to buy some nice things, only to be able to wear them for a month or two.  Now at the same time, I do not plan on going back to the weight I was at when I started this process.  So for now, I stay in my stretchy pants that I have to pull up every time I walk; and enjoy my new workout top or shorts that I *treat* myself to.

Epiphany #452

I'm working into week 5 of this journey, who would have thought when I started this I was talking about *week 2* of the process and now I find myself starting the countdown with 5 weeks to go.  Who would have thought? It already seems like it has gone by so fast when I think about it.  I've read and tried to digest information that I have found on the internet, watched You Tube videos, and I am sure driven my trainer, Blake crazy with all sorts of questions, and texts.  I've tried to absorb what I can like a sponge.  Nothing really comes into perspective until I have my 'Blake Day' www.totalbodydelopment.ca
which by now you probably know as my Wednesday personal training day. I have so much respect for this man not only as my trainer but as my friend. He is a ' shoot from the hip' guy that tells it like it is, he speaks his mind but has a way of 'calling me out' on different things in conversation. (Not many people do this - I admire this in people that do)  Some of those 'aha moments', that make you think about the conversation after the fact and make you really take a look at yourself, where you are and how far you have come.

As my trainer, I have a trust in him that he will do and have me do what he believes is best for me during this process to get me to where I need to be. With having never done this before I find the hard part is trying not to put the *horse before the cart*.  Inquiring minds always want to know!  I believe I have gained a great friendship throughout this journey. Again contrary to what I have read in regards to some horror stories about personal trainers, and what they would have their clients do at the expense to their health.  Blake is all about communication, discussing how I will feel after this particular show is over and where I see my body after.  He has been very direct in stating not expect to stay at show weight.  A few months ago he told me I needed to think about where I would like my body to be at and what a reasonable and healthy weight would be for me. I admire this in him as a trainer, communication is the key.  He is all about the health and everyday living and mobility as well.

This now evolves into another conversation we had in regards to my training. This whole process has been enjoyable! Yes!! You heard me- I've loved doing it. I haven't had an issue with the the dieting as of yet.  I have eaten more than I used to eat, so I actually feel that I have been eating healthy and clean, and frequently.  I have noticed peoples comments in relation to food. They question whether I am eating? They are curious if I am starving? I know I am hearing more comments about being *thin*; this leads me to think, *Was I really FAT before*??  I admit, today being one of them, I have felt hungrier - could it be that my body is burning more energy?  Yes I have been doing double cardio, but even that hasn't gotten monotonous.  Our discussion led to the point that it might be because I have had variety - spin, bootcamp, personal training, karate, and yes the cardio, and I have used a variety of machines too. So it hasn't been a *boring* regime.  Again, Type A personality, a creature of habit, routine??  Hmm...

I will admit after all this being said, I do go between wondering, "what is next", and "anticipating" what I will look like in 5 weeks time.  All at the same time trying to remember Blakes' advice - enjoy the process - its going to go by so quick.

I'm trying!!  And I AM!

Posing pictures

Side, Back and Front poses - pictures taken March 25th, 2013
Slightly different from the first pictures I posted.  What a change!!